Wednesday, September 13 2017
There was a time in my life where such a discontent came over me...everything seemed out of place and the passion in my life seemed to have disappeared. I woke up every morning wondering if this is was all there was to my life. Don't get me wrong...I love my life, my family, my career but there was something in me missing. I did not understand that holy discontent I was feeling was there for a purpose. God had something more and in order to step into that MORE, I had to realize that all that I had done up to that point and all I thought was important to my life suddenly had no meaning. Something in me was dying. I am once again at that place, only this time I recognize the work of God in my life. That discontent caused me to question everything I am doing and everything I thought was important. People are afraid to face this in their lives and when it begins to come they begin to look for something to fill that discontent they are feeling. They begin to turn to entertainment, sex, drugs, alcohol...whatever they think will suddenly bring that brief moment of satisfaction. Some pursue a new career and some sadly to say find it in a religious structure.
People who love God can sometimes be the most deceived when that stirring begins to come that they are not satisfied. They begin to think that they have missed it or the Pastor has missed it. They begin to look for a new church or begin to fight against what God is doing because well....church is supposed to feel good. I am supposed to feel good when I leave church and if I don't feel good then something is wrong. Perhaps we have missed God, perhaps there is sin in the camp. OR...perhaps that discontent is God whispering that something is beginning to change and something is beginning to stir. Perhaps he is speaking to your heart because he wants to awaken something in you that has been lying dormant. He is awakening your desire for more of HIS presence.
Fourteen years ago when that emptiness was there and I could not find satisfaction in my life and felt lonely...God was really beginning to prepare my heart that it was time to awaken from my slumber. Revival came and for the first time in my life something awakened in me and I found my purpose. It ignited such a fire in me that nothing else mattered. I spent every night in church for a year. I had separated myself from everything that I thought filled my life with purpose. Everything was shaken and everything changed in that year. My family thought I was crazy but they did not understand the depth of my dissatisfaction because the world really does not understand passion for the things of God. Oh...they will sit with their cans of beer and their favorite sports on the TV in what appears to be a height of passion and ferver for something that means nothing in the end. We are passionate about something but in the end it does not really change our life for the better. Some spend their lifetime thinking their success is what has made them happy only to realize when their health goes and their family is gone that money can't buy that back.
I said all that to say...I am there again. I hear the sounds of revival on the horizon again. That dissatisfaction is welling up in me and I know there is more than what I am seeing now. This time that dissatisfaction is not going to drive me to fill it with things that mean nothing and press into the only thing that can truely fill that heart desire and awaken in me once more that pursuit for HIS presence. You won't find it in religion...you won't find it in the gym...you won't find it in relationships. There is only one thing that can fill that dissatisfaction and that is HIS presence.